


colors of love (shades of emotion)

by callieincali



Category: The Magicians (TV)
Genre: Color AU, F/F, Soulmate AU, but give it a chance?, read this if you think kady is the softest for julia, rushed asf just a heads up, this highkey may suck, wickoff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-06
Updated: 2017-07-06
Packaged: 2018-11-28 08:08:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,358
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11413734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/callieincali/pseuds/callieincali
Summary: au, in which the world is black and white until you see your soulmate for the first time





	colors of love (shades of emotion)

**Author's Note:**

> okay but did you guys really think i wouldn't end up writing one of these? 
> 
> um if this seems rushed and all over the place, that's probably because it is, but i think it has some good parts and maybe one day i'll go back and fix it up. 
> 
> but for now, enjoy!
> 
> happy welters week three!

Julia knew she would never grow accustomed to the sight of herself in the mirror, various hues of gray painting over her skin.

Not after what she had seen. Not after she had a taste of the alternative.

She craved the colors that used to radiate through her vision, sending sparks of excitement through her body with each new shade she encountered. Sometimes she would just stare at her eyes for hours in the bathroom, admiring their gold-orange-brown that had always been dark gray to her previously narrow senses.

Browns were the first colors she noticed, waving through James' hair on the first day they met. James had always said he saw brown first, too, staring at him from Julia's eyes.

Julia fell in love with the yellow-white-brown shade of his skin-- he called it peach, but Julia could never remember the name. Now, it seemed to linger on her tongue like a bitter aftertaste.

James knew all the names of the colors, as if he could see the slight variations in each of their tones, while Julia still had a hard time telling whether the shirt she was wearing was orange-red or pink-red. She often wondered if James' senses were somehow more heightened than her own.

"Maybe your colors are still developing," James would suggest as they stared at blue-yellow-orange-pink sunsets that just looked half-blue, half-orange to Julia.

He would sometimes ask her what color his eyes were-- and she had learned over time to answer the question as 'blue-green', but anytime she caught sight of the irises, all she could bring herself to see was the murky gray-brown-blue color that reminded her of swampy marshes and sandy saltwater.

Usually, she couldn't even remember what green looked like in the first place.

Julia occasionally considered the idea that she was more James' soulmate than he was hers. As if, maybe, somewhere out there, there was someone better-- someone that would make the colors separate in her vision, forming unquestionable boundaries between the different shades. Like staying with James was somehow holding her back from the true potential she could be reaching. Or maybe she was just being ungrateful.

The colors started to become harder to differentiate between after she failed the Brakebills entrance exam. And seemingly, the more time she devoted to research of magic and spells, the less she saw of the colors surrounding her.

James never spoke of any such fading, still mesmerized by the astonishing colors that felt so new and fresh to him, even after months of seeing them. The changes Julia found were hard to discern; so subtle, she barely noticed her own skin growing dull before her eyes.

Marina had light brown-gray hair when they met, though the hedge witch professed that her parents always told her it was red. Julia had tried to squint to see that tone, but the sight never came-- not that the inability to see red really surprised her. She didn't mind losing the sight much; color felt mundane to Julia when magic was real and at the tips of her fingers.

Marina envied Julia's ability to see colors, often scoffing at the realization that the shorter girl barely appreciated the newfound layer to life she had been shown. Julia didn't know how to explain that color was barely magnificent to her anymore. She couldn't truly remember if it ever was.

She would miss it when it was gone, Marina would mumble at her, eyebrows raised as if an idea was already cooking up inside her head.

And Julia didn't believe the claim-- barely offered it a moment of her reflection-- until she was waking up to gray blankets and white walls and black hair, where color hd coated it the day before.

And when she found James in a local coffee shop, he had no recollection of the girl in front of him-- and no traces of dirty blue-gray in his eyes. She could feel regret constricting around her heart as she noticed the world around her no longer shone a dim yellow under the morning sun, that the cars whizzing by no longer dotted rainbows along the road, and even that the night sky no longer hinted purple-blue with sparks of yellow-white shining contrastingly against the dark.

So, Julia snapped at Marina for tearing color away from her. And Marina simply kicked her to the curb, crossing out her magic-level stars with red exes-- not that she was able to see them, anyway. Julia left the safe house feeling reborn in the worst way possible. She felt stupid and weak and just as simple as everyone else in the world. Her spirits felt as dull as her surroundings.

And the empty numbness that followed reminded her that color was just one of the many things she lost that day.

 

* * *

 

Kady had never seen color, despite what she may have claimed. Her world was-- and always had been-- smeared in whites, grays, and blacks. And the idea that color existed to eyes other than her own didn't provide her with a sense if hope and desperation as it did to the many other color blinds in the world. Instead, the thought of seeing reds and greens and blues blanketing over the currently dull world scared the shit out of her. She wondered if it would feel like betrayal to know how the world truly looked-- as if the universe was keeping some big secret from her that she was better off not knowing.

So, she stopped wanting to know.

She stopped relying on the idea that she needed her other half, because being alone was what Kady did best, and she wasn't sure if she truly minded the idea of never having to commit herself to one person in life.

And until she met Penny, Kady's interpretation of soulmates was that they consisted of two people-- equally in love with each other-- who met and suddenly both their worlds were splattered in a new language of beauty. But when Penny grabbed her hands one night and told her she had the prettiest green eyes-- and Kady was left staring back at the pure gray of his-- she knew that previous belief was far from the truth.

Because Penny's soulmate was Kady, and Kady's was beginning to seem more and more like no one at all.

And she wasn't sure if that bothered her all that much.

But she saw her scapegoat in Penny's confession-- saw a way to secure her spot as someone who would never have a soulmate-- and she thought on her toes, lying and agreeing that Penny's eyes were just as color-filled to her.

"They're called _brown_." He explained to her, and she repeated the word in her head over and over until it committed itself to her long-term memory.

And so, she carried on, telling Penny she could see his dark hair and the colors of the outfits he would choose, until the answers became second-nature to her. The dark-tinted coat he often wore was green, his striped scarf was blue, and his high-water pants with cuts in the knees were dark red.

And not long into the lying, Kady already wanted to take it back, but her lies had dug themselves too deep to claw her way back to the surface-- not without shattering a few relationships in the process. Everyone at Brakebills knew Penny _and_ Kady could see color. Her own mother was under the impression that Kady had found her soulmate. Even Marina would sometimes ask Kady for items in certain colors, though she always asked with a mischievous smirk on her face, as if she somehow knew Kady was bluffing about her sight.

But Kady continued to lie, only because she thought doing so would buy her time. Buy her time so that maybe she _could_ fall in love with Penny. Time, so she could wake up one morning and see the sky painted blue and and the grass shining green, with Penny's brown eyes glancing at her from the space in the bed beside her. And even though seeing color was still an asset she hoped to never experience, the idea of righting her wrongs and telling the truth of her inability to see hurt a hell of a lot more.

But the colors never came and she couldn't help but curse the world for putting her in a situation that made her feel as if she was incapable of reciprocating love to someone who so obviously loved her.

The guilt was beginning to overwhelm her by the time the trip to Brakebills South approached her class of students.

"Expose your utmost truth," Eliot had explained to them, sending daggers of fear through Kady's gut. Her mind was so concentrated on the idea of her world crumbling before her eyes that she didn't even hear what Penny had confessed to send the ropes falling from his hands. He stared at her expectantly-- eyes wide in excitement as to what Kady would say-- and she stared back, tears of anger and guilt and shame filling her eyes.

"I can't do this." Kady's voice shook as she spoke, her hands tugging at the ropes around her wrists. Her breathing sped until silver stars entered her vision, making her head spin and her knees shake as she began to back up.

"What? Why?" Penny's excitement was gone from his dark gray eyes, replacing itself with curious worry. The look only twisted the knives in her chest, and she forced herself to turn away, starting back towards her clothes on the ground. "Kady, talk to me." She could hear him stand from the grass, his voice diving deeper into confusion.

The air fell still, so thick with tension, Kady could feel it wrapping around her body and suffocating her.

But she forced a steadying breath anyway, and turned back, blinking away the tears in her vision.

"You're not my soulmate, okay?" She was shouting, misplaced anger growing in her voice as she stared at Penny's fallen expression. "I'm your soulmate but you're not mine." Silence reigned as Penny processed the new information, his eyebrows falling low on his forehead.

"But you--"

"I lied, Penny. I lied because I knew if I was with you, I wouldn't have to face the fact that I don't _want_ to see color." She was yelling again, quickly bringing her bound hands to her eyes and wiping away the first tears that betrayed her and rolled down her cheeks. Penny's mouth fell open as if he wanted to speak, but nothing came from his open lips. "I was using you. It's all a lie."

Penny turned his attention to the ropes on her hands, watching them for confirmation, and choking out a shaky breath when they unraveled and fell to the ground below.

Kady finally tore her gaze from her wrists and brought them to Penny's eyes-- silently begging for them to be brown in her vision. But pained, colorless irises met her instead, and they stared at her like the monster she was. And she stared back, nonverbal conversations shared for a few moments before the animalistic instincts took over and they took off into the night, ready to fly to Antarctica.

Penny refused to speak to her when they arrived in the icy wasteland, but the empty look in his eyes was enough for Kady to know she had broken him. His eyes scanned his surroundings as if the world had lost everything vibrant about it-- as if he was slowly losing his ability to see the beauty in the colors around him. And Kady figured he probably was.

She hoped he would see again one day.

Kady couldn't look at herself in the mirror-- couldn't stare into the face of a person who was so consumed by their selfish desires that they broke the heart of a boy who didn't deserve it at all.

She half-assed her way through her stay at Brakebills South, too unmotivated to complete any of the tasks she was given.

And when Mayakovsky broke the news and told her she couldn't return to Brakebills without being expelled, it felt like the long-awaited karma she deserved.

 

* * *

 

Finding Free Trader Beowulf seemed to be the checkpoint that sent Julia's luck in better directions.

The online chat group filled with other hedge witches began to look more and more like her way back to magic after weeks of moping around her black and white apartment, living off of frozen pizzas and minimal will to live.

She devoted her time to being on her laptop, typing away to a group of people she didn't know with the naive hope that they could somehow repair the holes that had suddenly started to appear in her life. And they may not have filled them, but they sure as hell masked the numbness that came with them.

Asmodeus was a frequent visitor to the group chat, and one that Julia became fast friends with when she found their personalities clicked. The two were similar in age and came to the Free Traders after losing close to everything in life. They were both just looking for something to pick up the pieces, and they found it in each other.

Julia wondered if it was possible to feel so close to someone on the basis of typed words alone.

And if it was, she wondered if she was lonely enough to succumb to that kind of attachment.

She wondered how a few stiff conversations spiraled into hour-long, meaningless discussions filled with laughter and sarcasm and all the other factors that made Julia never want to leave the chatroom.

She couldn't even remember when the transition to friendship took place, but the sudden change from her previous isolation left Julia unwilling to question how quickly their relationship was beginning to grow.

Meeting in person was an idea that was brought up not long after the group members got to know one another. Julia was quick to agree, deciding she didn't have much left to lose, and even offered her apartment as the mutual meeting point.

The Free Traders filed in her home one by one, offering her excited greetings and filling the apartment with a warmth that Julia had grown used to not feeling since James was torn from her life. But when the last member left to arrive was Asmodeus, Julia couldn't stop a twinge of fear from filling her gut, fluttering in her stomach and pounding in her chest.

And when dark curls revealed themselves from behind the wall of Julia's apartment, the feeling only intensified.

Their gazes held one another's for a length of time too long to be seen as formal and when the other members began to take notice of the unconventional staring, Julia forced a small smile to her face and stepped closer.

"Asmodeus," she said, opening her arms for a hug as she did with the other Free Traders. She wondered why the idea of hugging the girl in front of her suddenly felt daunting. Asmodeus stepped closer, too, her eyes blinking rapidly a few times as if she had caught sight of something that no one else saw.

"Kady, you can call me Kady." She corrected, accepting the hug and wrapping her arms around the tops of Julia's shoulders. The name bounced through her head, lighting up Julia's senses with a feeling that felt yellow-orange-blue in her thoughts.

"Julia." She added as they pulled away, deciding her previous alias was unnecessary. But when their eyes met again, the breath disappeared from Julia's lungs as she caught twinges of color spreading through Kady's shirt.

She knew that she sometimes saw aftershocks after her return to black and white-- like her mind pinning its memories on items that no longer looked the same-- but the blue that lingered in the Kady's shirt looked too lifelike for it to be the works of her longing thoughts.

But with a few hurried blinks-- quite similar to the ones Kady had made moments before-- the color was gone, back to its regular, boring gray.

 

* * *

 

By the time Kady connected with the Free Trader group chat, the events of Brakebills South felt like a repressed memory-- one that left her jaded and empty, like a hole torn in her usually stoic facade. She started to rely on her inability to find a soulmate, considering that it seemed to be the only stable crutch in her life. The idea of being alone-- staying soulmate-free-- for the remainder of her life struck her more as beneficial, rather than an inconvenience she needed to rid herself of.

Being alone meant there was no one for her to let down-- no one to grow close to, only to have the relationship crumble because of her own selfish mistakes.

And her mother dying at Marina's hands felt like a verification of that line of thinking.

When Kady left the funeral of the only person left in her life, she finally let the emotions spill from her eyes, wracking her chest in sobs for hours at the realization of all she had lost. And when the crying stopped, numbness took its place, somehow making her world seem even grayer.

So, she turned to focusing on magic, attempting to find new safe houses-- ones that she would be apart of, rather than a slave to-- and she found Free Trader Beowulf, an online group that seemed like a safe enough way to learn magic without growing too many ties to the others in the group.

The plan to meet in person scared her slightly, but the promises of 'higher-level magic' outweighed her desire to turn down the offer.

Vicious Circe, who revealed her name as Julia not long after the two met, offered her apartment as the destination of their meet up.

The building was just downtown from where Kady had been staying for the time being, and the trip she took across town was consumed by the mental affirmation that meeting her online friends wouldn't be as nerve-wracking as her pounding heart made it seem.

But when Julia's apartment wall slid aside to welcome her in, Kady found herself frozen at the entryway, heart pounding in an unfamiliar way. Julia held herself in a similar way, arms tense at her sides as if she was just as worried as Kady.

They exchanged pleasantries with a hug before joining the others in Julia's mildly messy living room, packed full of old pizza boxes and scribbled-on newspapers. Kady didn't mind the mess, used to far worse conditions in the majority if places she stayed.

The six of them chatted on the couches over lunch, discussing topics in depth that Kady couldn't-- and didn't care to-- follow.

Her mind was elsewhere, her line of sight often drifting to Julia as if she was expecting something from the girl. And she was.

Because, with one blink, an unknown tone had spread through Julia's eyes when they first stood in the entryway, sending electric surprise through Kady's veins. Another blink and the vision was gone, but it burned in the back of Kady's mind long after it disappeared. Her memories refused to forget it for hours and she found her gaze pulled to where she had first seen the tint, as if staring at it for long enough would somehow make it reappear.

And once or twice more it did, instilling the same shock to her body, until Kady decided the sight could no longer be pinned as an accidental crack through the black and white film masking her vision.

But if it _was_ color that she was seeing, and not just a figment of her imagination, that thought was enough to send her stomach twisting in knots of insecurity.

She wasn't one to jump to conclusions, but Kady felt newly vulnerable in a way she hoped she would never have to experience. And as one day passed-- and then two-- the pigment bled from her mind, spilling itself on everyday objects that had never been anything more than gray to her. She questioned more what she was missing and she questioned the cruelty of the world for allowing her to skate through life, oblivious to an underlying layer. She felt betrayed and stupid and afraid, all balled up as one brick that sunk deep in her stomach, constantly aching and serving as a reminder for what she had seen.

She wished she could unsee the color-- block it out like an intrusive thought-- but it stubbornly remained, haunting her like a bad dream, appearing anytime she closed her eyes.

She held onto the anger, focusing her frustration on the injustice, only so the deeper-rooted emotions couldn't find their way to the surface.

Because the idea of Julia being the one who caused that new sight intimidated her even more. Because Kady had a firsthand experience with unrequited love and she sure as hell didn't want to be on the other side of it. Because life hadn't been fair to her in the past and even the proposition that things could be different this time felt incredibly unrealistic.

So, she did what she knew she could do best-- what she knew would save her from the trouble she had been avoiding since the day she learned there was more to see in life.

She'd hidden her inability to see color effortlessly; she just hoped it wouldn't be too difficult to do the opposite.

 

* * *

 

The flash of color didn't return itself to Julia's vision, despite her best efforts to seek it out.

The idea of seeing color again excited Julia to a point that she almost felt indifferent as to who was the cause of the change, as long as whoever it was wouldn't be leaving her life anytime soon.

Still, a part of her hoped it was Kady that had triggered the transition, only because she was closer to the girl than any of the other group members. It made the most sense for it to be her, considering she had seen the color on Kady's shirt, and because of the fact that the other Free Traders spent the majority of their time tucked away in the back rooms, working on some secret project that Julia had little knowledge of.

Meanwhile, the two girls grew closer as they were ordered to learn an entire set of spells before they could join in on said project.

The two spent their days flipping through the Spellbinder, running through seemingly useless spells of bending light and reversing entropy, and living off of delivery and take-out.

Julia had grown used to the coldness that Kady often radiated, and would even go as far as to think that Kady dropped some of that stiff exterior the longer they were together. It felt like an accomplishment in her book, finally adding a friend to her life that was previously filled with none.

And soon enough the brief glints color returned, not often, but often enough for Julia to notice. She wondered if she had somehow forced her mind into a placebo effect, like her own thoughts were the culprits behind the new developments.

But the oddities she had labeled as a one-off occurrences, soon began to manifest themselves everywhere Julia looked, appearing as sparks of white-blue in the sky, as orange-yellow in the cheese on frozen pizzas (which became a staple meal during the Free Trader's stay in her home) and even once, a flicker of pigment in Kady's eyes.

The color that filled Kady's irises was one Julia had never seen before-- a yellow-blue-brown tone that she couldn't recall seeing when she had been with James. The sight reverberated through her core, stunning her to silence at the thought of seeing more in Kady than she ever had before. It brought back reasoning she hadn't heard herself think in months-- that someone, somewhere would allow her to see in a way that James was never able to. She had wished for that person to come for their entire relationship, but the idea of that wish now coming true felt far too confronting for Julia's liking.

So, once again, she pushed away the vision and labeled it as a trick of the light, figuring it an easy way to not deal with the scary emotions it brought along.

The girls consumed their time between practicing spells with random conversation, much like the way their relationship had been online. Their friendship barely faltered during the transition from the Internet to real life, and besides the occasional blank stare Julia would notice from Kady, it felt completely natural to be around her, as if being with Kady was how she was always meant to be.

"I used to see color." Julia blurted out a few days in, as they held their hands out in front of them, attempting to make a fallen tower of blocks stand tall again. The confession caught Julia off-guard, even as she was the one saying it, feeling her heart begin to speed at the thought of a memory she had never discussed before.

"What happened?" Kady turned her head to face Julia, eyes darting across her face as if she lacked the patience needed to wait for the answer.

Julia swore she saw blue-yellow piercing through the girl's eyes, but the nature of the question being asked distracted from the shock, masking it, instead, with a familiar nostalgia.

"Uh, he died." It was easier than going into the details of what truly happened-- even if it sounded blunt-- and Julia wasn't sure if she would have been able to recount the events without tears spilling past her eyes. Kady cocked her head and squinted her eyes as if she didn't believe it, but didn't push for further explanation.

"That's-- sorry to hear that."

Julia shrugged, only because she hoped it would direct the conversation away from James, which was a topic she had little desire to discuss.

"Do you miss it?" Kady continued, suddenly abandoning the active spell they were attempting and turning to fully face Julia. The color in Kady's eyes was yelling at Julia from her peripheral vision, clouding her mind with excitement and fear, all at once. She wondered what the color was called-- perhaps green or red, considering those were ones she had never fully seen-- but she pushed the idea from her head, refocusing on the question she was asked.

It felt like lying to nod-- because she couldn't miss something that she was seemingly starting to gain back-- but she did anyway, watching as Kady's expression hardened at the gesture.

"I don't think seeing color is all that important." Kady muttered, but her gaze flicked back to Julia's face as if there was something on it that would disprove that statement. Julia had a wishful idea as to what it may have been, but tucked it away, deciding not to explore the possibility. "I've lived this long without it." Julia finally let her hands fall from their interlaced position in the air, deciding the spell was useless with only one participant, and patted them against the side of her leg as she processed Kady's statement.

The curly-haired girl was staring intently, like she had said something that she hoped would earn a grand reaction, but Julia simply shrugged and Kady's eyebrows fell lower on her face. The room was dark and growing darker as the moon began to rise in the sky, but Julia could still make out the unidentifiable pigment in the irises gazing at her. She wanted to coin it as green, but couldn't be sure.

"You might think differently once you start seeing." She said it nonchalantly, and figured Kady would take it as nothing more than a suggested opinion, but as they held eye contact, Kady's face painted over in an emotion that Julia couldn't place, flushing her cheeks pale and sending her line of sight to the floor.

"It's late. I'm, uh, gonna go to bed." Kady stuttered, suddenly unable to look at Julia.

Julia's brows furrowed but she nodded anyway, offering a quick 'goodnight' as Kady continued to stare at the rug they stood on.

And soon after, the taller girl hurried off to the bathroom-- most likely to change and brush her teeth-- leaving Julia to stand in the newly silent living room, pondering on what she could have said wrong.

 

* * *

 

Kady glared daggers into her reflection from inside the bathroom, hands gripping the counter so hard that her white knuckles went a step further and felt as if the skin would tear with even the slightest addition of pressure. And when she'd seen enough of her own angered expression, she tore away from the granite and turned to face the wall, letting her hands rest against it. They itched to punch a hole through the plaster, but she begrudgingly refrained, settling on tapping her head against the paint, just hard enough to send sparks of pain through her scalp. And with one final steadying breath, Kady tugged open the bathroom door and wasted no time shutting herself inside a room farther down the hall. It was Julia's room, but the king-sized bed inhabiting it became a mutual place to sleep. Up until then, Kady had never minded the decision to share a bed-- in fact, it may have been her idea in the first place-- but the sudden realization that Julia's color-filled presence would be sleeping in her vicinity made Kady wish the proposition had never been made.

She tucked herself under the blankets, nonetheless, flipping to her back and staring at the ceiling with eyes so wide, she wondered if it would ever be possible to close them. But even as they gazed into the emptiness, the sight of moving, colored lips refused to clear itself from Kady's subconscious.

 _"You might think differently once you start seeing."_ It resounded in her brain, strangling every other notion that attempted to overpower it. And then there was the color on Julia's lips-- a vibrant, exhilarating color-- had she known lips held such beauty in their tint, she probably would have spent more of her life with her own pressed against them.

But even as she tried to search within for an ounce of gratitude towards the situation, all she dug out was regret and dissatisfaction that made her chest burn in rage.

Sleep felt like an easy escape from the overwhelming emotions encompassing her, but even as her eyes squeezed shut on her face, she found herself cruelly awake.

Kady wished she would have listened to the original, nervous intuitions that surrounded her plan to meet up with the Free Traders at some random girl's house. She wished she would have stayed home, hidden behind the blinding barrier of a computer screen. She wished she could go more than a few seconds without flashbacks to hues and shades that weeks ago were nonexistent in her world.

And when sleep finally granted her a pass to her dreams, she hoped to see them as dull as her life used to be, but instead, she found them drenched in the same color that refused to hide itself from Julia's waves of dark hair.

Cruel.

 

* * *

 

It took Julia and Kady a full week to reach the final spell they needed to join the 'secret project' of the other group members.

The final days of their studying held a tension that Julia wasn't used to in their relationship, as if the night Kady had rushed off to bed early had flipped a switch in the taller girl's emotions, turning them distant and colder than usual.

Meanwhile, the colors Julia picked up only strengthened until the sight of them was impossible to consider as anything other than finding her soulmate. The realization sent permanent butterflies to her stomach-- ones that fluttered obnoxiously with each pigment that snagged her attention.

The green-- Julia discovered it to be green after a bit if research-- in Kady's eyes still knocked the breath from Julia's lungs, even after days of seeing it. She secretly hoped it would never lose its initial shock value.

The desire to share the news with Kady felt more overwhelming with each passing hour, but the belief that the feelings were strictly one-sided kept Julia's tongue pressed firmly between her teeth.

She'd heard of soulmate pairs where only one of the two saw in color-- hell, she even experienced her own lesser version of the unrequited sight.

But Julia could feel her sentiments towards Kady growing stronger, swelling in her chest and forcing the air from it with even the smallest glances towards the mane of curly hair.

She could feel herself falling in love. And the feeling was beyond nerve-wracking. It felt like trust-falling into the arms of someone she barely knew and hoping, somehow, they'd feel enough of the same way to stop her from falling.

The final spell was cooperative-- as were many of the last few in the binder-- and aimed to let one person see into the memories of another. The details were tricky, packed full of ridiculous rules and accommodations based on each circumstance, but when they finally managed to work out the various kinks, they stood hand-in-hand, eyes closed as past occurrences played behind their eyes like movie films.

The first memory was from inside Julia's apartment, but didn't seem to be one of her own thoughts.

The scene started as a passing view of the floor, feet stomping down the hallway until the floor turned to tile and Julia realized the unknown person had walked into the bathroom.

The figure stopped at the granite counter, sounds of heavy breathing echoing lightly through the small room. Hands reached out and gripped the corners, and the line of vision raised to the mirror revealing a flushed face, framed by messy curls, confirming the memory was not her own. But when the picture focused further on the reflection, Julia found streaks of dark brown-gold-black lining the hair around Kady's face.

At first, Julia pinned the reasoning behind the color as a production of her own thoughts, but when Kady unexpectedly pulled her hands away, tearing the vision from their minds, Julia couldn't help but wonder if the tones had been a result of the taller girl's own sight.

Panic blanketed Kady's face in a way Julia had never seen before, tinting her cheeks dark in a visible color that looked red-purple-orange to Julia.

"Your memory was in color." The mental realization slipped past Julia's lips, quickening the pace of Kady's rapid breathing.

The taller girl shook her head frantically, as if by instinct, and backed away, her mouth moving like it wanted to speak, but words refused to form in it. Julia took the sudden fear as a confirmation of her discernment, and the idea sent sparks shooting through her stomach at the thought of their sight being mutual. Kady didn't seem to share that excitement.

"I can't do this." Kady said breathlessly, sending a sense of déjà vu through Julia as the curly-haired girl turned and rushed off down the hallway, only stopping when she was safely shut behind Julia's bedroom door.

And Julia had wanted to stop her-- wanted to grab her arm and tell her she didn't have to run from what she was seeing-- to tell her she saw it, too-- but her body felt frozen in the middle of the room, staring off into space as she processed the recent turn of events.

Eventually, her shaky legs carried her to the couch, mind still blurry from the lingering spell that hung from her subconscious.

She fell against the back cushion, letting out an exasperated sigh.

She was Kady's soulmate. And Kady was her's, too.

But the thought of Kady finding that news to be intimidating enough that she thought she needed to hide it filled Julia with a sense of sympathy that sent her stomach twisting in knots.

 _"I don't think seeing color is all that important."_ The statement flashed through Julia's memories, remembering the fallen expression in Kady's eyes as she had said it.

Julia hadn't thought much of it then, but suddenly wondered if there was an unspoken reasoning behind the jaded opinion.

Either way, Julia knew the short-tempered girl needed time to process-- just as she did-- and decided against following Kady into their shared room.

So, she sat in contemplative silence, waiting an hour to see if the figurative dust would settle enough for Kady to find her way out of the room, ready to discuss the new discovery.

But when the girl never reemerged, Julia grabbed a few blankets and pillows, deciding the couch would serve well-enough as her bed for the night.

 

* * *

 

The waiting game carried into the following day, leaving Julia with just the other Free Traders as they ate breakfast. It was strange not having Kady's snarky comments integrated into the light conversation-- even the others took notice.

Julia told them Kady was sick because it was easier to lie than start explaining the events that still felt foggy and confusing in her newly awake mind.

And Kady continued her circumvention long after breakfast ended, only occasionally leaving to make trips to the bathroom, eyes still glued to the floor as she walked.

As far as Julia knew, the absent girl hadn't even eaten since the previous night's dinner.

But when the evening rolled around without hearing from Kady, Julia decided someone would have to give in eventually, and the longer she waited, the more it seemed as if Julia would have to be that someone.

So, she ordered a pizza-- large half-veggie, half-meat-- figuring it would serve as an adequate excuse to go knocking on the bedroom door.

And when the food arrived, she stood on the other side of the room, heart pounding at the possibilities of what would follow. She raised her fist and tapped quietly three times.

"I ordered pizza." Julia called out, just loud enough to ensure Kady would hear. At first it was deafeningly quiet, and Julia inadvertently held her breath until traces of footsteps growing closer filled the hush. Her eyes fixed on the doorknob, begging it to turn, and when it finally did, she allowed the breath to escape her lungs in a relieved sigh.

The door swung open, revealing Kady behind it, still dressed in pajamas from the night before, bags beginning to form under her eyes as if sleep had never come to her.

"It's your house, Julia. You don't have to knock." It sounded as if Kady was trying to hold a sense of anger in her voice, but the only tone that came through was a shade of nervous irritation. The taller girl was already starting back towards the king size bed before she had finished speaking, sitting on the edge and looking towards Julia as if she was expecting her to follow.

Her legs felt wobbly underneath her as she made it to the bed, setting the pizza box beside them and opening it to face Kady, who reached her hand out to take a piece, only to stop halfway and tug her hand back to her lap. Silence reigned; an unspoken argument ensuing as to who should speak first.

Julia had made the first move. She hoped Kady would get the memo that it was her turn.

"I always thought I was a person who would never see." Kady finally caved, almost eliciting another relived sigh from Julia. "But now that I can, I can't tell if I'm glad I was wrong." She scoffed as she said it, most likely to divert the attention from the truth in her words, but Julia saw past the front, noticing the glossiness of the green-blue-yellow eyes. "I just want it to go away."

"You can't just get rid of it." Julia placed gently, hoping the statement conveyed the intended message without sounding too harsh. "Unless you want to kill me." She tacked on, in case Kady perceived the conversation as too serious. Thankfully, the taller girl laughed quietly at the remark, shaking her head and sending gold-brown curls bouncing over her shoulders. Kady's expression quickly neutralized as she took to pushing a loose slice of pizza around the box, focusing her eyes on anything other than the girl in front of her.

Julia wanted to tell her she could see, too. She could practically see the question whirring in Kady's head. It felt too early, but Julia could feel the confession on the tip of her tongue, pleading to be spoken.

"Did you know that your eyes are green?" Her heart pounded through her cheeks as she spoke, filling them with heat. As if knowing they had been called, the green irises snapped back to Julia, squinting in confusion at the question.

"How did you know?"

Julia didn't try to stop the smirk from taking over her lips, staying silent but somehow still speaking volumes.

"You hid it too." Kady said just above a whisper, as if the realization was directed more towards herself than Julia.

"I wanted to be sure, first."

Kady's eyes were wide in shock, still holding an underlying fear that almost made Julia regret the profession. She had an all too familiar air about her. One that looked as if she was searching for the nearest exit, already planning an escape strategy. But surprisingly, she stayed rooted to the bed, the expression soon turning to one of curiosity.

"What color is your hair?" Kady's head cocked to the side, face, once again, conveying red as if she wasn't totally confident in her words.

The inquiry struck Julia as odd upon first hearing it, but the reasoning behind it forced a genuine smile to her face.

"Its brown." She answered, absentmindedly bringing a hand to the locks and brushing it through them.

"It's beautiful." The compliment was rushed and breathless, as if Kady had been dying to say it since the day she first saw the color. The pulsing of Julia's cheeks finally slowed, her hands steadily regaining their ability to remain still.

"It was my favorite color. Before."

"What's your favorite now?" Kady's gaze fell back to the pizza she was picking at, the faintest of smiles present on her face-- just visible enough for Julia to let the tension from her locked shoulders, thankful for the fact that most of Kady's fear was no longer present in her expression.

"Green." Julia accompanied it with a grin, staring at the thin strip of color still shining from the other girl's down-facing eyes.

Kady nodded first, before the words set in and sent a smirk tugging at the corner of her mouth. She pulled her hand from pizza box, wiping her fingers on her pants.

Suddenly, the green was back, vibrantly staring into brown eyes, with a look in them that probably mimicked Julia's.

Julia couldn't stop her gaze from flicking down a few inches further on her Kady's face, meeting red-white-purple lips, standing out like a blaring alarm in a contrasting silence.

She itched to feel them against her own-- to have their lips moving in unison, an act that would surely brush away the last bits of uneasiness from their conversation. Or so she hoped. And by the looks of it, Kady hoped for the same thing.

So, Julia reached out, letting her hand rest against the warmth of Kady's cheek, fingers entangling themselves in the back of her hair, and pulled her in, stopping just before their lips met to look into the green irises one last time.

Kady did the rest of the work, leaning in and finally closing the gap between them, sending long-awaited electricity sparkling through Julia's body. The kiss was slow, but passionate, in a way that Julia had never experienced before. The thought of kissing Kady had never entered her mind previously, but as she held the taller girl's cheek against her hand, she wondered how she had survived so long without the sensation.

It felt like rainbows on her lips.

**Author's Note:**

> ta-da! 
> 
> i really like some parts of this tho. 
> 
> a lot of things were kept vague just as a way to keep this kady/julia centric and to prevent this from being 20,000 words. 
> 
> lol ps julia was red-green colorblind there for a while in case you didn't get that. 
> 
> THANKS FOR ENDURING THAT FOR ALL THOSE WHO DID. 
> 
> come yell w me on twitter @bestbltches or on tumblr @magicianstextposts


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